Please take my cat

My wife and I have cats in our house.  Zoe is our actual real cat.  She's black, and likes laps.  She also plays fetch.  She actually will grab a little ball and bring it to us and we'll throw it and she'll bring it back.  It would be awesome, except she only does this when we are trying to sleep.  She's found a way to make even awesome things annoying.  Thanks, cat!

This is just background, by the way.  In order to truly understand this story, you need to understand the characters, and those characters happen to be cats.  

Mozzie is cat number two.  Cat number two (Mozzie) does not get along with cat number one.  Not at all.  Mozzie chases Zoe all around the house, and Zoe loses bladder control.  This might sound hilarious, but it's not, if it's happening to you.  We've got Mozzie in our guest room, so the cats are seperate.  Why not put Mozzie outside?  There's a reason, I swear. I just can't remember what it is.

Mozzie likes shoelaces.  I walk into the room, and she unties my shoelaces and chases them around.  So far she hasn't figured out how to tie my shoelaces together, for which I am thankful.  A couple of weeks ago, I was lying down on the bed in the guest room and Mozzie hopped on the bed and bit me in the armpit.  Thanks, cat!

Would you like a cat?  Mozzie is a great cat.  She's fun to play with and will never ever bite you.  I swear this is true.  Mozzie is available, if you want her.

Please take my cat.  I am not good at sales.  Please take my cat.